Image Courtesy of tiverylucky / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Being a widow is tough, yet you will make it.
Although similar to a divorce, there is less hassle; yet the effects feel similar. There may be a division of assets, or there may not be - depending on whether or not your partner has you included in their will.
From first hand experience, losing a wonderful partner in your love based relationship unexpectedly is a tough blow. Break ups are tough at the best of times. On the other hand, you and your partner are happy as larry, and then something goes wrong out of nowhere.
It sucks when your partner (irrespective of age) becomes ill, or is the victim of an unexpected accident. One minute your partner is full of beans with an awesome personality, and the next they're dead. No warning. Just like that.
Some people tell you to get over it. It is not that easy. Especially when Mr or Mrs Right just dies like that. This is a simple message that life is short, and it can happen to any one of us tomorrow. Scary yet true.
You can attend all the traditional and natural therapies in the world, yet nothing will replace this mate except for good old fashioned time lag. Yes, time does heal all wounds. It will eventually.
My last man passed away on my birthday three years ago. Yes, we were madly in love, and yes we were together. We never punched a fight or disagreed with anything. We did not hurt each other, and our relationship was running at a slow, un-euphoric pace.
It was only on my last birthday that I was able to celebrate it. It took two years to get this point. Sure all of the energy work to heal might have helped, yet these therapies weren't scientifically proven. Time lag definitely was.
About a month later (this is about six months ago, as at the time of writing this) a new man came into my life unexpectedly. Yes, another slow relationship, and yes we are still together - even though we have failed to say I Love You to each other at least once. Early days still. Early days. God gave me a sign on my last birthday: I was completely healed.
There is a but. I am not being negative in saying this. Valentine's Day is less than a week away (as at the time of writing this), and people are asking me what I have planned. I don't know. Since the death of my last partner, I have not celebrated Valentine's Day for the last two years. This year, I don't know whether my man and I want to celebrate this special day together. We only have a few days to think it through.
Furthermore, to top it off, I don't know whether or not he is mad at me, as we have not spoken for a couple of days, as I was 20-minutes late to our lunch the other day - as I mistimed my train timetable due to being distracted from an old therapy patient and the entrepreneurs institute calling me about my business. I don't know whether or not he has accepted my apology or ever will. Even though I am now with someone, I am (shit sherlock) still a widow who is confused about Valentine's Day. Even though I am an editor of this Truly Heart, the red and pink paraphenalia is not fussing me. I have too much work on that will keep me distracted from this bizarre love triangle. Funny that, I first became a writer (now editor and creative director) a month after my partner passed away. Writing many of these articles had kept me sane.
You're not the only widow out there.
Being a widow is tough. You have made a vow to be together for better or for worse, until death does us part. Death does us part, yet this is undesired death. We were a strong couple. We weren't ready for a God forced divorce.
All the counselling and therapy in the world is great, yet you need time to heal.
As a widow, your life is changing and evolving for the better without a soulmate at first.
Allow a decent time lag for your new mate to arrive.
Dis-attach, forgive and respect your previous partner. They did the utmost best they could with the resources they had available at the time.
As hard as it is to swallow, you need to trust God for what has just happened.
Thanks Smita, it is all good. My current man is lovely. It was unfortunate, yet I would not be living in Sydney today or having my own business if it didn't happen. If my current man is not the right one, then someone else will be.