“Break-ups are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.”
We have all been there – those moments of doubt, fear, anxiety and sadness, attributed to a relationship which we know deep down is just not working, and yet we cannot let go. There are many reasons why we cling to a relationship, especially one of many years. I have listed below some of those reasons and why nothing is as simple as it might seem. These refer to those relationships which are not abusive:
Emotional attachment – by remaining emotionally attached to the other person, it makes it very difficult for you to heal and move on. Initially, and especially if you still have strong feelings for the other person, this can be very hard. Ask yourself the following questions and be honest:
• Will the children be happier?
• What do I miss most about this relationship?
• Do I fear being on my own?
• Will I cease to have a social life?
• Am I concerned about what other people will think?
• Do I like who I am when I am with this person?
It might help to use a 0 – 10 scale on a daily basis, and rate your emotional attachment accordingly. Keep going until the scale sits at 0 – then you can begin to heal and move on.
Fear - try to take out the fear factor and then look at how this might influence your decision.
• Am I afraid of being alone?
• Have I invested too much in this relationship to simply walk away?
Love - there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with that person. The fact that you have to ask this question shows that you are having doubts.
• Do you look forward to this person coming home in the evening, or do you look forward to this person leaving in the morning?
• Do I still love this person?
Needs - if you feel you are always compromising or going out of your way to facilitate your partner, who does not reciprocate, then question if your needs are being met or if this is a one-sided relationship.
To many, the ending of a relationship signifies some kind of failure. However, relationships are constantly changing and growing, and within these changes we may find we have simply grown apart. If, after discussion, counselling, or relationship therapy you still find that nothing has changed, then the decision to end the relationship needs to be made. To end a relationship in the proper manner shows respect for what you once meant to each other and allows you both to walk away with dignity and integrity.