This is the first time in nearly a decade that Iím going to part of a couple on the 14th of February. Provided that neither of us do anything 'deal-breaking' in the next few days...
Thatís quite a significant length of time. The Pope started sending emails. Michael Jackson died. Martha Stewart was indicted. America elected their first black president. Short story: things happened while I stayed single.
Thatís ten years of accumulated angst. No gifts and no saccharine cards for poor little old me. However, missing out on the tradition of the reciprocal trade of material goods isnít the worst of it though. Itís not even the fact that Iíve missed out on sharing a Ďspecialí day with a significant other. Thatís all fine. Iíve had the benefit of getting to spend my hard earned money on shoes. Plus, I havenít had to share my bed with someone that nags me until I fiddle with their bits for their amusement. Single Valentines Day is just another day of the year. That is, until you have to share it with the worst of the mouth-breathing addlepates Ė smug couples.
The smug couple is what makes your run of the mill 24 hours on an unsuspecting day at the beginning of the year approximately the worst thing in the vast expanse of the universe.
Try as I might to explain how little I gave a damn about whatever the Ďlovely thingí thing that their partner did for them was, their lack of understanding was always phenomenal. Itís all romantic dinners this, and adorable proposals that. Itís nauseating. If youíre observing a particularly bad smug couple, theyíll have cutesy pet names for one another and theyíll subject you to over the top public displays of affection. Iím sure Iím not the only that has to had to stifle homicidal urges in the presence of hyper-cosy couplings.
This brings me to a quandary; how on earth should I behave this Valentines Day?
Iíve clearly got a number of options. I could self-indulgently suck those around me into a vortex of sentimental nonsense. I could refuse to acknowledge the existence of Valentines Day and miss out on spending a lovely day with my significant other, but give the world a reprieve from another annoying besotted pair. OR, I could quietly go about my Valentines business, without shoving it the face of singles.
Iíve learned, from a decade of singledom, that the uncoupled deserve a little bit of respect on a day that can manifest a really unpleasant experience. So, when February 14th rolls around, keep your kissy-kissy cutesy between you and your partner. You'll be doing everyone a favour.