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High Expectations Versus A Real Relationship

by Bianca (follow)
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Expectations (6)      Reality (2)      Perception (1)      Checklist (1)     


Recently I came across a video which showcased an African American couple going through a divorce in a courtroom which was televised. Going through a divorce is never something to be celebrated or something which is enjoyed, or even something that is slightly interesting, however, this episode of Divorce Court really interested in me, enough so to post about it and let you all know about the craziness which occurred.

In a nutshell, the couple featured had been married for around five years, where no issues occurred within the marriage, in fact the husband was very loving, a great cook, cleaned regularly and took care of their house and home and children as necessary.

However, the wife decided that this would not do and she was not willing to be married to her husband anymore, based on the fact that (and I quote) “he was too nice”.

Now before, I jump into a rant, I will say that during the five years I lived in America, the amount of women claiming that all they wanted was a good man to treat them properly was the everyday language spoken. However, in saying this, the expectations and standards that some women hold may actually be working against them rather than in favour of them and here’s why;


- Some women have unrealistic expectations of how a relationship should be: They say that all they want is for someone to treat them properly, however, in actual fact a checklist comes with this single expectation, and the checklist can be rather trivial if you find the right woman. The checklist usually includes;

Must have a job (and must earn a certain amount)
Must be taller than 6’0
Doesn’t have kids
Must have gone to college
Must look a certain way (in terms of culture and swag)
Must have similar opinions


- Some women want to find the “perfect man” and the truth is the perfect man does not exist: They might check each number on the checklist, however, in the end if you have unrealistic expectations of a relationship then you will find another issue with your “perfect man” somewhere down the track.

- Some women don’t know what they want: Some women think they know what they want but in actual fact, what they desire is bits of pieces of all kinds of different men rolled into one, which we all know doesn’t exist.


My only thoughts for women who have a checklist, or are looking for the perfect man, you must understand that no one is perfect, not even yourself. In the end as human beings we all do our best to uphold our standards and to stick by our beliefs and morals, which eventually lay the foundation for what we seek in a partner.

However, as we mature and experience new things, it is important to understand that you can grow with your partner despite them not being “the perfect man”. There is always room for growth, change and a rise in maturity. You just have to be willing to make your relationship work and willing to grow together.


As women, looking for the perfect partner for ourselves, it is important that we remain open to change, to suggestion and to growth.

It is important that we work on being patient, loving and forgiving because we all know that relationships are not a walk in the park, however, if your partner is willing to do his very best for you and himself, to love you, care for you and provide a happy home for you, then there is no reason why he should not be given a chance to make that a reality.


Should we tolerate lies, a lack of effort and disrespect? Not at all, but learn to know the difference. You won’t always agree with your partner or understand them, but if you are willing to put in the effort then it will definitely be worth it. If you can’t be bothered dealing with a little hard work, then it might take you much longer to find “your perfect partner”. Think about it….


What are your thoughts? Do you agree or should men know how to act and just do it from the beginning?



# Expectations
# Reality
# Perception
# Checklist
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