Fights, conflicts, disagreements, arguments, disputes, and quarrels. Whatever you call them, all couples have them. There is no way that two people who grew up in different households, let alone went to different schools and maybe even come from a different culture can agree on everything that comes up.
My partner and I recently argued about where to put the laundry basket in the bathroom - against the wall, or in the spot next to the sink where it looks so good but may get wet from the shower? After a somewhat heated discussion, I conceded and put it against the wall (until a week later when I did the washing and snuck it in to the corner), and all he could do is laugh. We have just moved in together for the first time. Therefore whether youíre in the same boat or have been married for 10 years, arguments are not nice, but normal. Hereís a simple guide to couple conflicts, and some hopefully helpful tips to resolve them easier.
If you know an argument is about to happen, try to remain calm and steer it in a different direction. I am a fairly stubborn person, so I have a bit of trouble with this one; but if you know that youíre stubborn it can make it easier. Think to yourself: am I being unreasonable? or is it that big of a deal? If you cannot avoid the argument, repeat this line of questioning during the argument.
If this fails and you are adamant about your point of view; you need to express it to get it off your chest and be able to talk it out in a reasonable way. This might make you more upset at the time, but it will be worth it in the end. Your partner will know how you feel, and you wonít be left with it niggling at you. Also during the argument, this is an age old trick; try and see it from the other personís point of view. It is perfectly reasonable to put the laundry basket in a spot where it will be out of the shower water splash range, (but that doesnít make it any more aesthetically pleasing).
Another thing to watch is your partners body language and tone of voice. From previous arguments, you may be able to predict what stage of the argument comes next, and avoid the worst of it. Once your argument is finally over if you havenít resolved it then and there; remember what the other person wants after an argument - whether it is an hour alone or five minutes, and then a hug.
1. Try to avoid the argument through self-reflection.
2. Get your point across and off your chest in a reasonable way.