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Loving a Narcissist - (Part three)

by Seafarrwide (follow)
Check out my blog at seafarrwide.com/ for more about me. Articles on Dating, Travel, Poetry & things to do.
Love (293)      Relationships (275)      Internet dating (16)      Online Dating (10)      Younger Men (4)      Narcissist (3)      Cheater (3)      Dishonesty (3)      Narcissistic Personality Disorder (3)      Loving a Narcissist (3)     


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So stupid me forgave him and tried again. It was wonderful for around 3 weeks but the seeds of mistrust were well planted. Every time his phone rang and anytime I heard a text message I felt sick. At night I would think about his phone and want to check it. Once I tried but I was shaking so much that I couldn't open the phone. It consumed me and I just had to know if he was still at it. Once again I created another fake profile and sure enough another man came chatting this time he was more cautious he didn’t send the photo. I felt sure it was him, same age, similar nickname and comments.

That morning I was running between texting this guy without the photo and making the kids breakfast to take them to school. The phone rang it was my boyfriend ‘Darling how are you? I miss you, just wanted to say a good morning and tell you how much I love my Bubba. What are you doing?' ‘I’m in the kitchen’ I lied. ‘I’m making the kids breakfast, how nice to hear your voice' I replied sweetly. Meanwhile I was sending a text on the computer to the hidden photo profile and the guy was responding. I kept texting to send me his photo. So while my boyfriend was talking on the phone to me a photo came through. Again it was him! Well did I give him a piece of my mind, in fact I had never felt so angry in my whole life. I slammed the phone down feeling the bile rise in my throat. I felt so hurt and also angry with myself for ever giving him another chance.

He kept calling my phone and texting. I just ignored it at first but after a couple of weeks I weakened and spoke to him. I didn’t want to get back with him. I told myself that I felt sorry for him. Yes I stupidly still had feelings for him. It was almost like a drug all the attention and drama he caused. I did feel by now that he must have a sickness and an addiction to internet dating sites. He even said he was getting counselling for his addiction and constant lying. He also was begging my help as he needed to move out of where he was and find a place very quick. He knew how to play on my caring personality. Yes I was weak and I was still in love with him and he just wouldn’t let up. It is hard for anyone else to understand the hold a narcissist will have over you once you are under their spell, even when they do the most atrocious behaviour.

I gave in to seeing him. I decided I would at least help him find a place to move to and that was it. This I did and the very night he was moving in we caught up with his mother and younger brother who were also helping with the move. I really loved his family. This was also another reason it was hard to break all ties. They would beg me to give him another chance, they even knew how difficult he was.

This particular night even though we were broken up I was helping him move and the most horrible thing happened. We pulled up behind his mother’s car to get some money from an ATM for take away. His mother was driving her car and her youngest son aged 21 was with her. They were stopped at the lights near us. Suddenly I looked over to her car and it started rolling but the son jumped out screaming. His mother was in the car head rolled back.

We ran over to the car and pulled her out to the side of the road and a passerby ran over and started giving CPR. Both sons were screaming uncontrollably. I called the ambulance then her husband and older son. Her husband kept asking me if she was breathing, did she have a pulse. I couldn't feel anything. This dear woman died instantly we found out later the aorta tube had snapped right off, a rare heart problem causing a fatal heart attack.

The trauma of the whole event, it was so emotional, so terribly sad. She was only 52. I had to help the family with grieving, and organising the funeral. Due to this trauma we fell back into a relationship. We were all damaged emotionally and in shock. We got through the next two months in a daze and it became Christmas. My boyfriend went away with his brothers and father for a few days, all the time calling and texting. But one day my best friend called me and says ‘Are you still with him?' 'Yes why?’ I said with a small voice. ‘I’m sorry to have to tell you this but he has contacted a girl we both know on a particular crude adult dating site. I will send you her login details and you can see for yourself his messages and photos.’ I felt a wave of nausea hit me like a lead weight in the pit of my stomach. I logged on and sure enough it was him and he had even loaded recent photos I had taken of him in my own home, some messages where the week his mother had died! This was the finale I couldn’t take it anymore. I called him and ended it instantly.

Of course he kept contacting for up to a year later! Even when he lived with another girl. He finally met the one he supposedly fell in love with but he still felt he had to keep a hold over me somehow and would still contact. I warned him that if he didn’t stop I would tell her. This finally worked.

This was my first and last experience I ever wanted to have with a narcissist. It had hurt and affected my life for nearly 3 years and had nearly brought me to a nervous breakdown. I felt sorry for his wife knowing he would surely do the same to her but I was finally rid of him once and for all. I now sadly know well and truly all the signs to look for in a Narcissist. Beware.

See part 1



#Internet Dating
#Narcissist
#Cheater
#Relationships
#Online Dating
#Younger Men
#Dishonesty
#Love
#Narcissistic Personality Disorder
#Loving a Narcissist
#Narcissism
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