I sure did learn my lesson after dating...well, we'll call him Lance. I had actually met Lance a few years before when his friend had invited me to a party, which I considered to be a date. Lance was our designated driver for the evening. I really had the hots for this guy, who we will call Dominic. He was very cute, and was so persistent in obtaining my phone number, and seeing me again.
When we arrived at this party, where I did not know a single soul, I immediately received filthy looks from a group of girls. I figured that they must have been jealous that Dominic had brought a girl along. They had most likely wanted to make a move on him? But I was wrong. Dominic soon disappeared leaving me with Lance. I mentioned how uncomfortable the girls were making me feel and this is when Lance told me that it's because they were Dominic's ex girlfriend's friends. They had apparently dated for a few years, and only broken up a week ago!
I was gobsmacked. No wonder everyone hated me. Lance ushered me out the back, got me a drink and sat with me all night. Dominic would make an appearance here and there, then finally toward the end of the night when he was disgustingly drunk he sat down next to me and asked if I was coming back to his house with him to stay the night! I was mortified. Lance drove us both home, dropping Dominic off first, then apologizing to me as he safely drove me home. What a sweetie, I thought.
Fast forward a few years and I had recently come out of a very bad relationship, and was just starting to get back out on the social scene. It was at a friend's birthday party that I spotted Lance, or more like he spotted me. He immediately came over, and looked so happy to see me. I remembered how friendly and caring he had been to me, and was also pleased to see him. We chatted for a little while, then later that night he asked for my phone number. The birthday girl pulled me aside and encouraged me to go out with him. She said that he hadn't stopped talking about me all night, and he was such a nice guy. I had been feeling pretty down on myself, and so the attention was quite uplifting. The only problem was that I just wasn't physically attracted to him, but I thought, why not? His cute friend had turned out awful, so I guess instant attraction isn't everything.
Cue forward to our first date. Lance took me for a coffee somewhere local, which I appreciated as there was less pressure. It was a bit awkward at first, as first dates are, but then Lance broke the ice by talking about his recent trip to Europe. He told me all about where he had been, who he had met, what they did, how they all still keep in touch...blah blah blah. I found him to be so completely boring! Even the so called funny stories about his trip he thought he'd regale were not funny at all, and yet he seemed to be on a role. He just could not stop talking about himself! I felt exhausted listening to him.
Now, this is where I made a big mistake. As Lance pulled up out the front of my house and I thanked him for the coffee and chat, I suddenly felt really awkward. I didn't know how to leave things and just step out of his car! I knew I didn't want to endure another date with him, but he mentioned the drive in cinemas, and silly me somehow agreed that we should go together some time. Before I knew it our next date had been planned, and he zoomed off a happy man. And I felt helpless.
Lance and I dated for four very long months. I met his family, and his mum implied that even though I don't follow a religion, they are Catholic and if we were to get married it would need to be in a church...blah blah blah. What was I doing? I asked myself. But then Lance would take me to a lovely restaurant, and bore me to death, but compliment me a little or make me feel special in some way. He would send sweet text messages and big bouquets of flowers to my work. I think I was just enjoying the attention more than anything after my horrible previous relationship had left some nasty scars.
I could tell that Lance was falling in love. He was making plans, and I really liked these plans, but I wished that they were being made with someone I was truly in love with. It was all a big facade and I felt like a phoney.
Finally the day came when I just couldn't bare it anymore, and I broke it off. Lance hadn't said the L word yet, but in the moment I told him that it's over he said in a croaky voice with teary eyes, "But I luh..." and then he stopped. I am sure he was about to say but I love you. I felt so terrible.
A couple of years later I was out for lunch with a group of girlfriends, when I saw a big table filled with a few people I knew, and one of them was Lance. He was with his new girlfriend. It felt awkward, but we both said hello. A little later I was walking back from the toilets when a girl I knew, who was joining the same table where Lance was seated stopped me to say hi. Then she told me what had just happened at their table. Apparently everyone was whispering about how awkward it must be for Lance to see his ex (me) while out with his new girlfriend. According to this mutual friend of ours it had taken him some time to get over our relationship. Once again I felt very bad. But then she told me that he had just accidentally called his girlfriend by my name in front of everyone! This friend of ours found it hilarious, as did most of everyone else at the table, but I'm sure poor Lance's girlfriend would have been horrified! I know I would have been. I couldn't get out of there quick enough.
The moral of the story here is that it's just wrong to lead someone on, no matter what the reason. I obviously broke this poor guys heart, which I would never want to do to someone, because I know exactly how that feels.
There is a happy ending though. You wouldn't believe it, but the girl who he accidentally called by my name that day in front of all of those people ended up becoming his wife! I saw some photos on Facebook recently, as a friend of mine was tagged in them, and they looked very happy.
So, there should be no Mr or Miss You'll Do For Now, that is just wrong. You are either suited for someone or you aren't, and its best to just be honest as soon as you know for sure. It will save a lot of pain, heartache and not to mention awkward incidents.
Dominic was obviously trying to make me his Miss You'll Do For Now, and I'm very grateful to Lance for rescuing me, and very sorry for making him my You'll Do For Now. I will never make that mistake again.