It is surprising how negativity can easily break a relationship, even if you do not intend to hurt the other person. Negativity and criticisms can foster and linger in the relationship until one day it shatters the bond between you and your partner. It is like a disease, hidden but slowly killing the positive memories of your relationship.
I used to, often, point out things that I didn’t like about our time together, something he told me about his day, something he said, or the way he said it. You shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do that, you are doing this wrong, you are doing that wrong, you can do better, and that is not good enough.
Until one day he said “you criticise me a lot, you know” and I realised, he was right. Without intending to, or really knowing I was doing it, I was focusing on the negative, when in fact, he is the most positive, helpful and non critical person I know. Even though, I was trying to point out and help improve certain things, it was all negative and unnecessary.
So what if he doesn’t text me all day? He calls me every night to say goodnight. I was just picking out all the negatives and ignoring all the positives. I had made the conversations we had annoying and talking to me felt like a chore. Nobody is perfect. I should not be spending my time highlighting the negatives when there are so many positives attributes I should be highlighting, especially, when all he does is compliment and praise me. “I’m so proud of you for doing that”, “you are so beautiful”, “you are so kind”.
I then also realised that we take and learn so much more from the compliments than the criticisms. We remember the compliments that were given and we aim to do it again so we are praised again. On the other hand, we are criticised and feel unhappy.
This unhappiness lingers and every time we engage in that action, manner, or thought, we are reminded of the unhappiness. That day I decided I should compliment him more and tell him often how much I love him.
I’m not saying my relationship is perfect, however, it is definitely more positive and we want to spend our time together because at the end of the day, we make each other happy.
What I've learned:
Negativity breeds more negativity
Not every little dissatisfaction or frustration is worth mentioning, we are only human
Exactly! When speaking outside your relationship, did you also partake in negatively speak about others in your circle of friends and out?
It's a habit. Women to women,. girls to girls and men to men and boys to boys. It's really very unkind and puts one in a truly different light which could in the end, break up a relationship/friendship. After awhile negatively speaking is very disempowering.
Always speak kindly, you can't take back what is said or written b.c words leave everlasting scars to the listener and sometimes speaking unkindly behind someone's back, remember sometimes there is a gossiped who could be more negative and tell that person you or all are discussing.
motto. Be impeccable with your speech and actions. .
read, the book "The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and your life will hopefully change for the better again.