The beginnings of a relationship can take many forms. Some people find each other socially; while some find each other online, and there are even others who might find each other at work. Where they meet at first may affect the way the story goes, and being work mates may make it seem more forbidden and sometimes almost impossible.This is one such dance of love.
Taking small, sometimes shy steps; they started what they later referred to as the dance. It wasn’t ever on purpose. It was just a way of talking, of looking at each other a bit longer than usual. Flirtations. A little touch here and there, and sometimes a little innuendo. Longer and longer, deeper and deeper conversations and meeting more and more occur; and often just to be together for a few minutes.
He would make excuses to touch her; an accidental graze of his arm; the meeting of their fingers on the office desk, and a hand on her arm as they walked on the rocky pathway outside.
No one else ever knew, but the dance was getting insatiably desirable. The visits to ask if she wanted him to order her coffee, and the chats that ended up with them discussing innermost feelings, freely and without concern or holding back. There was nothing they couldn’t talk about. The universe and how they felt about their place in it; their family; who was who, and feelings about the way the world was going and what they thought could fix it - and their plans for their lives. They discussed the future, their hopes and dreams; the things they had done, and those things they still wanted to achieve.
Every now and then the conversations would stray to the what ifs. She would frequently muse about the what if things were different question, and after a time the idea was tentatively aired out there in the silence between them, and it was exciting and wonderful to know they both had been thinking the same thing. They both had thought about what could have happened; what might have been; if they had met some other way than at work, and he had no problem telling her that they would definitely be together if the timing and situation allowed it.
What looked to others like a friendship; a deep friendship had begun between them; but it was more than that. Although they both knew that nothing more could happen, the thought was there. It was definitely there.
As the dance continued on and on, the desire in both of them grew. They both felt it, and knew it to be very powerful. It couldn’t be helped, and it wasn’t something they chose. Between them was a deep longing; a wish that they could do something about the attraction, and simply be together. The touching of their bodies in the accidental brushing past each other; the deeper knowing look in his eyes, and the knowledge that there was something special between them. Something forbidden. Something they wanted, but something they hadn’t acted upon. Not yet anyway.
The truth of the matter is that she would go home in the afternoon and miss him the minute she had left. She only had eyes for him. They had what has often been titled a courtly love - the kind of love that men and women in the Elizabethan days would have with another when that love was forbidden. They too would share long adoring looks, an accidental touch of the hand and deep conversations; but never any physical intimacy.
Despite the lack of physical satiation she would dream of him, and look forward to work the next day; as well as long for the next time they would dance the dance. She would only have to look at him and the excitement would start - hope coursing through her heart until she almost thought she could explode. She imagined, and at night she would dream about what it would be like to hold him; kiss him, and tell him she loved him. Her dreams would take a hold of her at night, and when she would wake she wished she was still asleep so she could dream of him again. While she slept, her mind chose to believe that he was hers, and she was his.
Suddenly, and without intending it to happen at all - she knew without a shadow of a doubt that in every way - emotionally, mentally and physically that she deeply wanted and needed the man, and that she had fallen in love with someone she couldn’t possibly have.
Another day at work - nearly five o’clock, and by now the air was thick with the unspoken feelings between the two of them as they prepared to leave for the day. Spending whole days together; sharing so much of themselves caused a building intensity that was hard to ignore. Right now it was time to lock up the office building, but they were holding on to the last few minutes, hoping to draw out the moment with each other.
Being totally alone like this was exciting but very scary at the same time. It was something she wanted, but at the same time she was nervous around him when the circumstances could allow for something to happen they may regret later. But as if they were savouring the something that was different about that day, they stayed for a bit longer.
It was the day before the Easter break, and they had articulated their feelings that they would miss each other while on their short holiday. Although there had been no physical relationship between them; their emotions were running hot, and they had shared a closeness which is rarely found in two people. Today was therefore a day of sadness and longing, both trying to make those last few moments go slowly. Long looks - holding each other’s gaze, until they knew they had to go.
She was filled with the thought of kissing him goodbye. She ran over and over in her mind scenarios in which it would just happen...a sweet, long and passionate kiss. A kiss that would be their first. A kiss to last them through the next days when they wouldn’t see each other.
All at the same time this moment was fuelled by unmet wishes, but frightening because of the difference that being in each others arms could make to their relationship. There would be no going back once they had melted the wall between them. The wall of reality and promises made, and she was afraid of what may be spoiled if they gave in; and especially if she instigated this first kiss and he rejected her passion.
She was a shy girl in some ways, but she also knew what she wanted, and often to her detriment followed her heart and not her head. You would think she would have learned about that by now, but no, her heart was currently completely in charge. It knew exactly what it wanted that day. This afternoon she knew she wanted to feel his lips on hers; hold him close and know what it felt like to put her now wildly rampant feelings into action. This afternoon she wanted to take things up a level and see what might happen. She felt willing to take the chance and risk rejection, and although that thought had previously held her back; she just couldn’t hold it inside anymore.
The possibility of rejection was still there, but by now something told her he may not say no. There was a greater chance now that he may be just as keen to know the feeling of her lips as she was to kiss his lips. She just had to try. This could be the dumbest thing she ever did, but she just couldn’t stop herself. Like a runaway train, heading without brakes to a place unknown; she just had to keep going. She had to know what pleasure, or maybe what pain there could be in reaching the destination.
At the door, she took the plunge and said in a nonchalant voice, as unassuming and casual as she could manage, that she wanted a kiss goodbye. It came out sounding calm and cool, and even a bit flippant; but inside her heart was beating a million miles an hour.
So in that moment, just a little before walking out the door, he turned and kissed her.
Sounds good doesn’t it?
But this was not the kiss of wild passion, but a peck on the lips; not even enough time to feel, and she was bitterly disappointed. Months had gone by, dancing the dance; saying the words and she thought they wanted the same thing; but in this moment he did not return her fervour. She was crushed and a bit annoyed. She was aching for this moment, and then this was just too much disappointment.
Shyness went out the window in that second. She pushed passed the boundaries they had created, and asked if that was the best he could do. They both laughed at the boring emptiness of the peck they had shared.
Seconds later they were in each others arms, revelling in the closeness and the waves of warmth. The kisses came slow and soft, exploring and tentative; each of them unsure of how to do this without lighting a fire that could not easily be extinguished...for it was only supposed to be a kiss goodbye, and not an opening of a Pandora’s Box of rapture. Breath quickening; the kiss deepening; longing and wondering partially fulfilled and then, just as suddenly, it was over.
Just as they began they finished. The shyness returning, not knowing what to do or say, and so nothing came out of their mouths. Out of breath and suddenly very aware of what they were doing; the new needs that had been unleashed - they quietly left the building and he locked the office door.
"Have a good few days" was about all that was said.
The kiss, and the feelings which had been ignited, just hung there in the cold outside air, and neither of them had any other words to describe what they were feeling, so they simply slowly walked to their vehicles and left.
The story of the dance happens in many a couples lives. No two are the same. This one ended well, and the two of them are now very much in love; married and extraordinarily happy.
Where will your next dance lead you I wonder...
Towards joy and true love I hope.