In dating, one question pops up every now and again that is never fully answered – who pays? Well generally we know exactly who pays, it’s the guy, but it doesn’t stop a few guys from asking, 'why us all the time?’ While women are earning more and more money and the pay gap is decreasing, why should it be only men saddled with the economic burden of finding a partner? It's a valid discussion, but is it a discussion that anyone wants have on their first date? Or their second date? Or third? Or ever?
Once I saw a profile I liked on a dating website. I sent a kiss over, and expected that the usual process would follow, that he would pay the money and make contact with me. I often had money on my account to pay to contact guys with profiles I particularly liked, but for some reason I had run out. So I sent him a kiss on the off chance, and he sent me a kiss back. Just a kiss, not a contact email. Which translated to, "I'm glad you like me, I like you too, but not enough to pay $4 to meet you." At least that's how I read it. It could have also meant, "I loved your profile but I have no money left because meth is one hell of a drug." Or "You're cute but my dole cheque doesn't come in till Tuesday."
There could have also been a million and one perfectly understandable reasons. Maybe his credit card got stolen, maybe he wasn't that impressed with my hip/waist ratio, whatever. The fact was, I knew our first date would be spent unpicking the issue, and all that fabulous first date nervous excitement or sexual tension would evaporate as he went into detail about how unfair it was that men were expected to pay for everything. Maybe followed up with a financial breakdown of his dating expenses up till now, complete with a spreadsheet.
So to conclude. Do men have a point about always paying for dates? Absolutely. Is a first date a good time to discuss this? No.
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