Ruining it for the Rest of Us

by Katie (follow)

Dating (105)      Feelings (15)      Girlfriend (3)      Sex (2)      Casual (2)      Denial (1)     

Over the years dating has changed, and more recently it has become common for women to sleep with men that they aren't dating. One night stands and casual sex partners. But what does it mean for those of us who don't agree?

Sometimes looking for a relationship is hard. A friend told me it's harder to get into a relationship as you are getting closer to thirty. What I told her was that you can't make someone go out with you if they don't want a girlfriend.

For men it is easy to pick up a girl for sex and have no strings attached, and these women are ruining for the rest of us. If men couldn't get sex, and all women said they had to be dating first, then it wouldn't be so hard to get a boyfriend.

I've met a lot of men who take my phone number and they say they don't want a relationship. I don't want to be that girl who can't count how many people she has slept with on her fingers and toes. So I think there is nothing wrong with asking someone what they are looking for. Not instantly of course, but when things start moving on from the first date.

I don't want to be hurt, and finding out someone doesn't want to go out with you after chatting for a week or two and maybe the occasional dinner or movie date, is a lot easier to get over for me, than to get over someone that I have been intimate with.

I've often thought maybe time will help? Right? Not always. In my experience I've found I get hurt even more by keeping a friendship. Sometimes when a guy says that he doesn't want a girlfriend I would continue to be Facebook friends, text and chat occasionally, but it doesn't change things. In fact, it makes things worse for me. When they do finally decide they want a girlfriend. Maybe they fall for a girl they have had sex with. But still I don't go for that so I'll probably never know.

Take for example a guy who said he just wanted some fun. All I replied with was oh ok, and I said that because I was looking for more and I didn't see any reason this conversation needed to continue. However I didn't delete him off my Facebook.

So what happened with him after that? One day I saw a post that mentioned him having a girlfriend. When I read it, I was sad, feeling sick to my stomach. I had denied that I had feelings, but when it came to it, I couldn't help the feelings that just happened to give me this gut wrenching feeling.

So what have I learned? Don't deny your feelings. If I like someone who doesn't want the same things as me, it's much easier to delete them and not know what they are getting up to.

# Sex
# Dating
# Girlfriend
# Casual
# Feelings
# Denial

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