Not too long ago, I was in a relationship that lasted 18 months. For my teenage self, that was a hell of a long time. He and I blossomed as friends in the years leading up to our relationship, and broke up as friends a year and a half after.
Over 12 months later, one of my closest friends is still my ex-boyfriend and people still look at me like I’m crazy.
I can understand the shock, the seemingly unnatural habit of friendship being obviously wrong after one of us had broken (or crushed) the heart of the other, but honestly, I think it’s irrational to assume that we were supposed to hate each other just for the sake of hating each other.
Yes, our break up was messy, there’s no denying it. Some horrible things were said and tears were shed and all the rest.
But, if after all of that, a friendship can still be maintained between two people that know each other so intimately, then why should either of us deny that friendship for the sake of making peace with breakup expectations.
Break ups are horrible at the best of times and it takes a strong relationship to overcome whatever may have killed that bond in the first place.
Sometimes, things can’t be forgiven. What I’ve learnt though is that to forgive and move on is so much more fulfilling and courageous than holding a petty grudge against someone that may have shamed your ego for a few hours, weeks, or maybe even a few months.
Hatred based on pride and revenge is wasted energy. Why not acknowledge that you hurt one another, understand why you hurt one another and move on.
People spend too much time dwelling on their troubles, forgetting that in doing so, their life and the people around them start to become darker in the blimp like shadow of their own aggravations.
And yes, some actions or events are too vile to ever be forgiven. I can sympathise with that one too. Eventually, there will be a person that comes into your life that you never want to see again but with them there will be those other, rare, beautiful people who will linger.
Those people who your friends think you’re insane for talking to, those people who made mistakes and those people who will grow beside you.
You have to assess what really is more important; a friendship or fuelling a wounded ego. Words really are just words. I was called everything under the sun after my bad breakup and when I go back to those messages today, I still feel like curling up in a blanket in the darkest corner of my room with ice cream and lollies and crying my eyes out, until I remember how much I’ve grown since then; how irrelevant those words are.
Love is not stagnant or something that should be analysed or categorised. Let it go, spend a little time on yourself and maybe catch up with your ex for a chat every once in a while; it may surprise you how glorious it is to forgive and how much you’ve both changed for the better because of it.