Like most people when they get married, I was sure mine was going to last forever, but it didnít. After seven years of marriage, I find myself suddenly single, at 42, with three young children. When my husband left, I would lie awake at night and wonder how I ended up in this position. Life alone, raising three little girls, is a difficult reality to face, but one I have had to accept.
My husband lost no time in finding a new partner, whom I suspect, had been around the fringes of his life for the last six months of our marriage, which coincides with the birth of our youngest daughter. I donít have the words to describe his betrayal but I do find great comfort, rightly or wrongly, in that I am not the only one who has suffered such a hardship, and with children so young.
There are plenty of men and women experiencing a similarly painful fate, and countless others who are on the other side of their ordeal, insisting they are all the better for having endured it, grateful even.
One of the great kindnesses of humanity is our ability to share our stories, and ultimately, encourage hope when there is none. As a Life Coach, I have benefited from so many wonderful people, some I know, and others who have been strangers, sharing their personal struggles, and the lessons they have learnt.
Those candid discussions have shaped my world and encouraged me to look beyond the pain and heartache, to find something wonderful and positive to focus on. In short, they have helped me find the light in my darkness and despair.
From their wisdom, I have gleaned three key points that can be applied to many struggles you might be facing, and not just limited to the end of a marriage.
1. Have Faith.
Have faith that something better is on its way to you, and even though you donít know what that will look like, trust that it is coming. If I was still with my husband, I would not be in a position to receive whatever miracle is coming my way.
2. See the Freedom.
You are now free to do whatever you want. My husband was extremely controlling and he had long stopped being loving or affectionate. So what exactly did I lose? What I gained is something priceless; the simple freedom to live as I want with my children, to do as I please, and to follow my instincts as a mother without an overbearing, control freak always interfering.
3. Design a New Life.
Design the life you have always dreamed of and go after it. In my marriage I was always going to play a supporting role, but now I am the Lead in my life. I can focus on the things that are important to me, and I can build a better life that is calm and happy for my children. The added benefit is that is my girls grow up with a content mother, who is hopefully a better role model for them. As much as it hurts me to admit, I could never have been that woman if I was still married to my husband.
In those dark moments, when I look at my children and think of how they have been robbed of living life with their parents together, I remember the points above and realise that we are all in a better place now; it's a harder life in some respects but without any doubt, it's a much happier one. I may not be swimming in the sea of gratitude yet, but I am definitely moving towards it. I have faith.