Life is full of surprises and not just the good ones but also the bad ones that come knocking your way quite frequently. We tend to feel light and bloated in times of elation and they seem to make time pass more faster as things are not hard for the mind to focus upon but as things go downhill, suddenly everything seems so hard and so sturdy as it cannot even bulge an inch.
Any person on this planet who shares a relationship with another person cannot deny that fact that he/she has not faced problems or a crisis where things didn’t pan out well or they didn’t follow the plan that you thought they would follow. Pain and anguish are normal human mechanisms to cope with such issues; these are part of our feelings and cannot be denied no matter how hard you try.
Living in a state of denial is probably worse than facing your problems upfront. Denial may lead to a temporary state of satisfaction but it is going to make things go even bad as you delay the inevitable. Relationship trouble is the most confusing of problems as this is the point that you come to realize that the person you loved and adored and the one who seemed to do no wrong, is also prone to misdoings and is different to you in some needs and wants or probably is just a case of time when the love and admiration just dips downwards.
The feeling of being powerless over the fact that you cannot control someone or hold sway over them in to doing what you would want them to do and make you happy, is the root cause of all trouble that comes your way. But fighting and arguing may seem like useful tools to wrest back some control of the situation, they are highly useless to your cause.
The answer to all of these worries is the power of mindfulness. The “presence” and the complete transfer of yourself towards the acceptance of those feelings that you are currently experiencing, makes things immensely easier not only for you but for your loved ones as well. When you shun yourself to your feelings not matter how painful they maybe, you are brewing up a storm which may cause permanent damage to your relationships. Being “aware” of what is happening to you and also to the things around you equip you to pass them in an easier way than you can do with fighting negativity with negativity.
Most of the time people relate the idea of mindfulness to not speaking or letting out emotions but nothing could be further from reality than this. If you are angry or envious towards something then even without speaking you are going to spread negative energy engorge you and sooner or later others will also start feeling it making things really difficult to handle. It is just like creating a wall and trying to contain the bad stench inside it, the stench would eventually engulf the wall which is already acting as a barrier. If you stop your feelings from emanating, then the barriers would eventually make room for more disagreements and fights that will almost seal your stance without ever giving you a chance to go back on it once you are out of this thing emotionally.
Mindfulness works in being acceptable towards your feelings and finding a way to positively vent them out. Like most of us face the dilemma of not being able to take care of our parents when they get old due to our work or busy lives, making us feel guilty. This guilt ensues from loving them. See this not as a negative emotion but a positive one which can be used to great effect. Wisdom of mindfulness would indicate that you see your ageing parents as children with the all the vulnerabilities associated with it, the fragility being the biggest sensitivity. You can use that to change the perspective and spend time with them like you would with kids discrediting the idea of taking care of them as a burden just because they are your parents. Even if you cannot spend time with them and feel like it is difficult for you then you can arrange for home care services for them to show to them that you might be busy but you certainly do care, relieving you off your feelings of guilt and increasing the bond of love you share.
Your attitude goes a long way into establishing how well you can adapt to the circumstances of being in a crisis and how you accept your feelings using them to feel light and secure making it easier for them to pass. This will increase the love around you and the one that you feel enhancing the overall emotional quality of your life making you resilient and even more culpable to the feelings of love, care and sensitivity that we as humans, innately share.