I'm dealing with some issues with a guy that I used to like. We chatted a bit, and finally decided to meet up again. When we did he wasn't who I remembered. He had changed, and so had I. The boy I remembered, was not the boy standing in front of me. Sure he was polite and paid for lunch. We walked around a lot, and we went for a coffee (I paid for that)... can't have a guy pay for everything.
So the date was over, and I was feeling bad. What should I do? Do you continue to lead someone on in the hopes it will work out? Or do you tell them the truth? I opted for the truth, and where did it get me? I'm still a bit confused.
At first he said everything was fine, but later that night after a few beverages, he poured his heart out through a Facebook post about how he was really feeling: down. He wrote how girls want nice guys; then they find one, and they don't want them. I knew straight away this was about me, and I confronted him. I was so angry. He couldn't say any of this to my face. What I had also said was that I didn't want a boyfriend at the moment. When it was finally out in the open how he really felt, I was able to discuss it more. He said he didn't believe me, that we could make it work.
When it comes to dating, I also have some deal breakers, and the fact that he smoked was definitely a deal breaker. This he did not understand or like, but deal breakers are a big thing. I've read a few books on relationships, and one of the ones I love is Dr Phil's Love Spell. It says you need deal breakers. Things that you must have, and things you will not tolerate. I don't think my list is too fussy.
A car and license, or even just a licence would be good.
Jobless or massive debts he can't pay
It's not that long. I bet you thought it was going to be a million lines long.
Guy with a job
Likes going to the beach...but no I'm not that shallow.
So after we discussed deal breakers, we were able to have a normal conversation and remain friends. Or so I thought. Since starting to write my articles, I have had a few issues. I had a writers block, and so I asked him what I could write about as we were chatting, and everything was fine. I thought he may have a good idea. He did. He said "why don't you write about how you sought after a guy, and when you got him you didn't want him."
At first I was a little annoyed, and so I called him a jerk. But I was hurt. All this time he was harbouring feelings of anger and hatred towards me, and why? Because his version of the story is different to mine? Because he didn't see things the way I did?
Was what I did really so bad that months later he was still hurt? We can never really know how our actions will affect people. All we can do is tell the truth and hope for the best. Since the day I told the truth, I haven't had a boyfriend. So I know I am not one of those girls who just says I don't want a boyfriend, and then date someone else two weeks later. Therefore I don't feel bad about the choice I made.
So what have I learnt from all this? I've learnt that even if you think a situation is all sorted, it may not be, and that when you hurt someone, the hurt never really goes away.