I was doing my morning walk today with my dogs along my favourite walk which has stunning views over Long Reef Beach in Sydney. A truly beautiful walk any time of day surrounding a golf course with sensational ocean views. If you keep your eyes peeled, depending on the time of year you will often see Whales and Dolphins.
I noticed while walking, most people were busily on their morning fitness routine. People walked with their heads down, ear phones on, possibly listening to music and others were talking away on their phones oblivious to the beauty surrounding us. I happened to overhear one lady walking past on her phone as I stood taking a photo of the view. Her day had obviously started with some apprehension or possibly a need to alleviate some confusion from her mind. Her words went like this "I still love you, but our relationship has changed it's just not the same, but I still want you". She seemed to want to be free but not brave enough to break the chain from her comfort zone rock or maybe she was running from commitment. A pity for the loving person at the other end of the phone, pain on the way.
It made me wonder about her timing. Today was two days before Valentines Day. A day when many exchange cards, gifts, proclamations of love and embark on a romantic date with a loved one or a new beau to celebrate love.
For others it's all about moving on, ex-boyfriend keepsake bonfires, breaking failing loveless relationships or leaving a comfortable relationship that has no zest.
Then there are the single people. Some singles are bitter and some are joyful to be free. Enjoying life being their own person without restrictions, which basically should be the case even if you are in a relationship. Quite often when in a relationship we lose a sense of ourselves, whether it be due to trying to be loved, keeping the peace, or due to insecurities within ourselves or the other partners.
I happen to be single right now and though I would love a partner to enhance and share my life with, I'm quite happy now my children are grown up to find and love myself again. Several years as a sole parent have been challenging and anyone that is a parent will understand what a thankless task parenting can sometimes be. As a parent you put most of you needs on the back burner as the main concern and need in your life is to keep your children safe, happy, growing healthy; physically and emotionally, achieving a good education and finding their own independence.
I have 8 tips from my life experiences to suggest to the singles out there:-
1. Indulge in you: I have booked myself a holiday and will fly on Valentines Day to the Whitsundays. A very romantic location yes and hopefully I won't want to hang myself ha!! but I will live like a princess for a week, sunning, sailing, snorkeling, dining out with aplomb. Why go alone? well why not, life is to be lived not a waiting room. Plus it beats staying home feeling sorry for oneself because somehow Valentines Day will make most singles feel like they are missing out or failed somehow. I say celebrate your freedom and love for yourself, live life!
2. Take up a new hobby: Find something new to be excited about, it might be a fitness activity, yoga, walking, hiking, cycling, sailing, fishing, dancing, a new puppy, or even create a blog; write out your thoughts, tap into your hidden creativity.
3. Spread the love: Send a friend or family member a card, it doesn't have to be a Valentines Day card. Even people that do things for you daily - how about your daily barista even! Give a chocolate heart to those that you often come across that make your daily routine better. Thank them for being who they are. Do a day of voluntary acts of kindness, open the door for an elderly person or offer to help them with their shopping bags if they are struggling. I have sometimes sat next to seniors when I've been out and after saying hello and remarking on the beautiful day they will sometimes have a chat. I have heard some fascinating stories about their lives and this has often made me value my own life realizing it's never too late to make the most of every day.
4. Party with your best friends: Valentines Day doesn't have to be only spent with a partner you love it could be an outing with your best single friends celebrating how lucky you are to be alive in this fabulous world - make a pact not to talk about negative things like past bad relationships and no man hating day comments, be positive and thankful for what you have in life.
5. De-clutter: If you can't go away or out you could take the day to follow through on those chores you keep putting off. Get some order in your life and discard clutter. Often when you de-clutter or clean it is a kind of therapy. You feel a sense of achievement and new order in your life creating a calmness of mind.
6. Love Goals: Believe that love can happen to you, don't give up. Yes I am writing this to remind myself as well as I will admit to having had those thoughts about giving up on love. A friend recently said it's a good idea to write down your love goals. Put it out to the universe what qualities you seek in a partner and what you want for your future. Clarity of mind is important and keeping positive thoughts. Believe in the power of the universe; if you ask you will receive.
7. Self Love: Accept yourself for who you are: See and acknowledge any unhealthy patterns of behaviour and try to break free from these negative experiences holding you back. No one else can change our lives but ourselves. Even if we find the best partner, this person won’t be able to make us happy and feel loved unless we create the space for it inside by practicing self-love.
8. Ignore Valentines Day: Ignore that it is Valentines Day and see it for what it is an opportunity for commercial enterprise to pressure people to spend on usually overpriced goods. Treat it just like another fabulous day that you are alive and just be thankful if you have good health and a decent standard of living. The simple things in life are to be valued.
Enjoy your life whatever situation you are in. Make every day a special day!