We're all pretty familiar with the phrase ‘he’s just not that into you.’ This is the title of a book which explains how to spot if your potential partner is more or less enthusiastic about your relationship than a raw food diet. If you pay attention, it can be easy to spot these signs of indifference early on. A basic rule of thumb that I have always used is being mindful of the amount of time my date could possibly spend with me, vs. how much time he offers to spend with me.
Once I had a couple of dates with a guy I thought was fabulous, he was dashing and witty and knew stuff about art and wine. One day I was getting ready to leave his house when a bunch of his friends turned up. It was a five minute walk to the catch the train. Instead of walking with me, he ushered me out the door with a smile and a wave like he was saying goodbye to grandma. I picked my way to the station with a heavy heart as I knew our relationship had fizzled. That was an extra five minutes of ‘me’ time complete with the talking, laughing and jokes- all still fresh, and he didn't even look conflicted closing that door behind me.
On the other end of the spectrum, I met a guy who I went on to have a great relationship with. When we first met he had a hectic work schedule juggling meetings and client visits. Once I sent him a text telling him I was in the city shopping. When he got it he dashed back from a client site to squeeze in a 10 minute coffee with me and we had a great time taking and giggling about nothing.
If someone goes out of their way to grab an extra few minutes with you, maybe just to hold your hand or hear how you’re going, I take it as a sign that they’re investing as much as I am and that they are as excited as I am. No one knows how any relationship is going to go over time but there are plenty of signs in the beginning that provide a good forecast.