I was sitting, happily tipsy, watching one of my favourite radio personalities playing the drums at a community street festival when the message came in. The conversation that lead up to the message didn't allow a lot of ambiguity regarding what was to come. Half of the couple in question had had a lot to say about the joys of their current relationship. Iíd had a lot to say about the joys of drinking alcoholic slushie in the sunshine.
"I've got some exciting news for you."
I'm not sure I'm ready for bridesmaid-hood
My BFF is getting married. I was the picture of confusion. I was awash with a sickly pallor, with a completely inane grin on my face. This particular disposition was only partially the alcoholís responsibility. Should people even be setting themselves up with a partner for life when their closest friends use juvenile acronyms like BFF?
It hasn't completely sunk in yet. I don't think it will until months after I see her say "I do."
There is an overwhelming cultural understanding that suggests you should feel overcome with happiness when your friend informs you that they're planning to commit themselves to their partner.
I feel guilty for not being one hundred percent joyous about the upcoming nuptials.
I'm a naturally trepidatious person. I don't go into much without having a good hard think about it first. That sounds as though itís implying that my amigo hasnít thought about her future wedded bliss. Iím just nervous, on her behalf. Iím describing my faults, not hers. Iím not good at running towards opportunities or kicking life in the face.
I see consequences of getting married on both sides of the fence. Sure, there's the security of commitment and the confidence that you've met societal standards. Then, there's divorce.
I feel confused at the fact that Iím not rushing to look at prissy wedding blogs. Iím not really about planning a party in lieu of planning the rest of your life.
Iím probably an emotionally retarded nut. I canít be sure.
I think though, that my misgivings and anxieties are informed by fear.
Iím worried that none of us, in our mid-twenties, are ready for a lifetime of commitment. Iím obscurely jealous that Iím nowhere near reaching this milestone. Iím concerned that riotous baby-making will consume my dear friend.
Mostly, Iím worried that marriage can mean less time for friendship. Iím not sure how Iíll deal with it. I just know, that at twenty-something and, surrounded by couples, Iíd better get used to it.