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Why Are Most Men Afraid of Commitment?

by Justine Crowley (follow)
Independent Business Consultant, Doctor, HubGarden Editor and Author/Publisher of four self help books: www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JustineCrowley
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why are men afraid of commitment, why are most men afraid of commitment, commitment in love
Image Courtesy of debspoons / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Why do great, decent men chicken out in a love based relationship sometimes?


If you happen to be a male reading this, then please answer this question. I am even a mind doctor, and I don't even have a clue as to what is running in your mind most of (if not all the) time when it comes to love based relationships with a woman. Sure, law states it that people do usually have to kiss a few frogs before kissing the prince - going out with a few players before manifesting the stayer, and teachers before keeping the keeper. Seriously, falling in (and then out) love is like a full-time job.

Yes, relationships are darn hard work. Everything requires persistence, hard work and elbow grease before magic happens. Why does it have to be this way? Maybe I am a whiner. I do the hard work when it comes to my business, yet I don't care about relationships anymore - meaning that I am not interested in becoming involved in another one. Enough is enough.

Iv'e come across many people (patients and friends combined, and also someone I know quite intimately) who (of the female species) goes out with a guy and gives it their all. They spend time in the bedroom, as well as go out on many dates and share the bills evenly. They're giving it their all. The relationship grows. There's progress. Both couples are getting to know one another. Yes, and they know each other well enough to pose the question.

Then why is the man so chicken to act like a kid and (maybe) act all weird - even if he's 40 plus age wise? Why do many men feel too embarrassed despite being a high level executive or professional to tell you their real name at least six months after meeting them on a dating site, or anywhere? Men, why you do these weird things to us? Why have an affair with us? Why cheat on us?

Why do you not turn up to lunch when agreed - or even late, when the relationship is getting hotter and hotter? We know why, you're darn scared of committing to us.

I hear it all the time. I catch up with someone, they're happy and madly in love with or without euphoria, and the next minute they've broken up with the man. Why is that?

On the flip side, men also think we're weird. It all gels together because we come from two different planets. Men, if you're not interested in us - do not be weak. Please actually be a man. Just speak up, be direct and tell us.

#Break Ups
#Divorce
#Separation
#Affair
#Wedding
#Wedding Blues
#Commitment Blues
#Love
#New Relationships
#Time
#Commitment
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Manny - the reply to your comment is from our chief Justine - not me. Having an issue with crossover.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Justine (fantastic that you've generated some debatable responses too)!

I know exactly where you're coming from - so in consideration of Manny's response, am directing it more towards him (I've assumed Manny's a 'him'):

It's refreshing to read a reply like yours Manny! As an independent, self-sufficient single mum I'm purely looking for a partner, not someone to support me...

Finding that prospective partner is easy for me but not for them. I'm constantly amazed (and saddened/concerned at the same time) that when I meet a man, he instantly assesses 'my needs' and then psycho analyses to the point that he 'can't give me what I need', apparently they'll be FWB (friends with benefits) or just friends (as all they 'need' is some companionship, be it sexual or purely companionship).

I'd no idea until I started dating again about modern men's psyches - ground breaking stuff. I get the perception that many men are like many women and from a young age harbored certain ideas about what a relationship 'should' be and have 'bench marked' it and when meeting prospective partners, measure them against it (quite stringently and unwieldingly).

I'm in my 40s in my opinion, at a good stage in life: independently secure with a soon to be teenage child (who is the greatest and also not resistent to change ie. introducing a prospective partner into our lives).

I'm not 'needy' - quite the opposite: I'm known to have a 'big heart' and 'give more than I take'...

Interestingly, I work with a 25yo female colleague going through pretty much an identical route - experiencing men that are doing a lot of 'navel gazing' before even meeting her!

Truly, I feel men and women are of the same mind but due to the hectic, changing/demanding lifestyles imposed upon us by this day and age, our ideals are getting a bit warped and irrational?


Jenny
Thanks for your reply Jenny, and really interesting insights here.
Hi.. I think the commitment issue exists with both males & females, more so with males - because that's how the society (i.e. people through the times) have shaped things to be. Not all men are afraid of commitment and not every woman commits herself fully. I've known of 100s of cases (they shouldn't be called cases) where a girl has ditched a guy for a 2nd choice citing 'n' number of reasons.

The society as we know it has ingrained thoughts that man is the breadwinner (thankfully that's changing & will change 100% pretty soon) and woman has to depend on him for all her needs. That thought alone can tell us why there are lot of women who cry foul when it comes to non-committal relationships.

And advanced or civilized we may be, we still harbor the thought that it's easy for guys to get what they want. It's not! Guys also have to move with a number of girls before everything seemingly falls in place to actually pair them.

Commitment is not just emotions - there is so much chemistry involved apart from other parameters. And certain proverbs come to my mind "all that glitters is not gold" and "Familiarity breeds contempt" - when we're friends all is fair but when we must plan and live our lives together, it throws everything in. He steps on her toes or she behaves in a way he doesn't like.

I'm not saying that getting in to a relationship needs experience, maturity and thorough knowledge 'cause if that's the case it may never happen. Some youngsters hit it off while some don't cross such hurdles when faced with them. May be they're afraid they can't pull through, may be a lack of trust or simply they just aren't made that way.

And sadly, Yes, there are a couple of bad apples in both cases that only looks for a brief fling and just a little more juice but nothing more. It will be great if this breed matures to let the other know what's their expectation and put in disclaimer before they even start to go together!

It can save a lot of broken hearts!

Note: I'm sorry for the exceptionally long response, looks like a post by itself. But this topic is quite deep and I wouldn't mind getting a glass of my favorite and sitting down for this discussion!
It will raise a lot of questions. This is quite a deep and intense topic, and everyone does speak from experience Manny. Thank you very much for your thoughts. Things do cut both ways, and in a few cases women are also standing on their own two feet. In my partnerships, both my partner and I were equal breadwinners. When things get so great, then why sour? If a person gets married and they're not committed, then why get married - just because society wants it that way? It's absurd. Anyway, this could quickly turn into another post, yet I appreciate your comments and all the best.
It's refreshing to read a reply like yours Manny! As an independent, self-sufficient single mum I'm purely looking for a partner, not someone to support me...

Finding that prospective partner is easy for me but not for them. I'm constantly amazed (and saddened/concerned at the same time) that when I meet a man, he instantly assesses 'my needs' and then psycho analyses to the point that he 'can't give me what I need', apparently they'll be FWB (friends with benefits) or just friends (as all they 'need' is some companionship, be it sexual or purely companionship).

I'd no idea until I started dating again about modern men's psyches - ground breaking stuff. I get the perception that many men are like many women and from a young age harbored certain ideas about what a relationship 'should' be and have 'bench marked' it and when meeting prospective partners, measure them against it (quite stringently and unwieldingly).

I'm in my 40s in my opinion, at a good stage in life: independently secure with a soon to be teenage child (who is the greatest and also not resistent to change ie. introducing a prospective partner into our lives).

Interestingly, I work with a 25yo female colleague going through pretty much an identical route - experiencing men that are doing a lot of 'navel gazing' before even meeting her!

Truly, I feel men and women are of the same mind but due to the hectic, changing/demanding lifestyles imposed upon us by this day and age, our ideals are getting a bit warped and irrational?

Jenny
by Jenny
Apologies again Manny - as Mina said there were crossovers with our logins. I was the one that first replied to your comments.
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