Recently a friend of mine who is single and over 50 sent me some very distressing messages. A year prior she had ended an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. This friend is usually a very positive happy person and has always amazed me how much energy she has.
But like any of us single people she hopes to find a loving loyal partner to enjoy things with and possibly share a life with one day. But she had hit a wall and now had finally succumbed to the black hole of depression.
This friend had tried Internet Dating for some time and had no success at all. She seemed to be contacted by men she considered too old, too fat, too boring, too sleazy, lived too far and so on.
Finding a man became her only focus to the point it was making her so depressed. She felt ugly and had put on 10 kilos over her desired weight.
One night she sent me texts saying she couldn't take it anymore, the internet made her sick. She said she would even go back to her old abusive boyfriend if he wanted her as it was better than being alone. I was shocked to hear her speak this way after all the horrible things that man had done to her.
After much soft talking about why she needed to stop thinking that way I had to finally deliver some tough love. Be realistic about yourself and what you expect in a partner. It's all very well to expect a super good looking,younger, fit, wealthy, interesting man when you yourself are not any of these things. You have let yourself go and you complain how much weight you have gained yet you do no exercise or dieting. That you are bored and lonely. You are really more bored with yourself.
I suggested things that had helped me once when my children grew up and I got depressed and lonely:-
Above all be thankful for what you have so far in life, good health, family, a job.
Find new interests outside of work.Take up a hobby.
Join Meetup Social Groups There are hundreds of different social groups from every imaginable interest such as Walking, Cafe lovers, Culture loves, Travellers, Art Lovers, Singes, all types of interests and it isn't just for single people.Some activities cost nothing.
If you feel very depressed and unable to start anything then see a counsellor. Medicare will cover the first 6 sessions if you get a referral from your GP. There are also natural alternative medicine to try such as SAMe tablets from Discount vitamin shops I tried this myself and it gave me amazing energy when I was feeling very low. Start at half a tablet early in the day first. If you have heart issues check with a medical professional first.
Try to broaden your friendship base in anyway you can as some friends also have their own friends and family to spend time with. It's not fair to make them feel guilty they can't be with you all the time.
Don't expect others to provide your entertainment and fun. Take control of your own life.
These are just a few things. The aim is to get your own life. It will make you happier more content. You will hopefully attract what you portray or just be too busy that you don't care about meeting a man and then one comes along.